its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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