I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
