i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
