Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
