Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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