How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
