I showed him my bush... on skype.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
