ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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