The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
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when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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