Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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