Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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