Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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