I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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