I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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