I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
