they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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