If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
