The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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