his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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