It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious