I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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