OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
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Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.