The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT