Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie