I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??