I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research