Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP