How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
