What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
