I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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