Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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