its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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