Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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