somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
