Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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