how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
