Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm at about main and main street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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