I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
