He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
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I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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