i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
