Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Someone came in the potted fern
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
