Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
