I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
