Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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