i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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