Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
