He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
