well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
FUCK WHALES
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