My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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