Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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