If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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