Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
