sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
