I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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