so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
