I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
