It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
