This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
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jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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40s are totally the cure
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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