My brain says no but my pants say off.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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