Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
