I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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