4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
