Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
