the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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