Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
