singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
