Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
soo... how was my night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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