There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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