I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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