Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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