Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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