i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are we still banned from the library?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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