I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
